When Your Village Gets Smaller, Find Us
I was in my early 20s when I had my boys. I had my parents. I had sisters, a brother, cousins, and in-laws. Our village felt huge. We had any number of people we could rely on when my husband and I needed a break or when we needed someone else to pick up the boys from school due to conflicting work schedules.
Fast-forward 16 years.
That village that we had depended on so much in the early years? It’s gone. My parents and in-laws have passed. Most family members have moved away. My village is tiny.
There is no one we can call to cover us for a last-minute date night. There is no one we can call to help with a school emergency. There’s just me and my husband now. It’s not the village we imagined, but it’s one built on mutual love and dedication to our children. We’ve gone from being able to both work full-time jobs to only one of us being able to work outside the home.
While N (18) is mature enough to be left alone for a few hours, L (16) requires a much higher level of support. He is a natural explorer with little safety awareness. He needs constant, one-on-one supervision to keep him safe. N has made amazing progress on his autism journey, but we would never put that responsibility on him or our youngest two children. A few years ago, we had to weigh income potential to decide who would stay home full-time. My husband left his full-time job, I continued teaching, and the rest is history.
So here we are in our tiny village. Alone. But together.
I’m going to speak to something that’s really close to my heart, something that’s not always easy for me to admit. We’ve never been able to build our village back up because when we became autism parents, it felt like the rest of the world didn’t know how to accommodate us. We rarely get invited to things. Other parents at school never try to connect with us. I’m not sure what it is. Is it that people take one look at our family, at our son who is never “calm” unless he’s sleeping, and decide that we have enough on our plates? I don’t know. But I sure wish it wasn’t that way.
Growing Our Autism Community One Neighbor at a Time
That’s why I created Our Autism Village. I wanted to build a digital porch where we can sit together as an autism community, share resources that actually help, and remind each other that while our physical circles might have shrunk, our community doesn’t have to. No one has to feel like their village has disappeared entirely.
If anything in this post resonated with you, please consider sharing it with other autism parents in need of their own digital porch.
And to our readers: thank you. With your support, this space continues to grow, and I’m so grateful for the community we’re building together.
Tools From Our Porch
People often ask how we manage 1-on-1 supervision 24/7. It has definitely been a learning curve as L has grown. Here are a few honest things from Amazon that made our lives easier. I’m including the ages that we tried them since we have had to get more creative as L has gotten older and more clever. Clearly, it has no been no small feat keeping our busy boy safe.
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical professional, just a fellow autism parent sharing what has helped our family. Every child is different, and if you have concerns about your child’s safety or health, please reach out to a trusted healthcare provider.
Note on Amazon Links
Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but I only recommend things we have tried ourselves. This helps keep the Village growing.
Safety 1st Parent Grip Door Knob Covers – 1 to 3 years old
We used inexpensive door knob covers just like these when L was little. They worked great until he was around 3 and learned how to take them off, so we had to upgrade to a more secure system.
Home Security Door Reinforcement Lock – 3 to 7 years old
We used locks like these on our front and back outside doors when we were home but wanted that extra peace of mind. They worked wonderfully until L was old enough to reach them.
Ring Alarm – Present
Eventually, we had to invest in a true security system. It acts like a second set of eyes to keep L safe now that he’s a teen. This model comes with everything you need to secure a 2-4 bedroom home.
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